Kids Glued to Videos During Mealtime? (One mom's journey to cutting back on the dreaded screen time!)

One of the most common sights that you might find nowadays when you visit a restaurant is families sitting at tables with their little ones glued to the iPad screen while being fed. Some might raise their eyebrows at this scene or judge. But from my own experience, I know better than to judge because I've been there. The journey from being a new mom to a mom of 2 boys has been an interesting one and as with anything, I've made mistakes along the way and learned from them. Indeed, we've come a long way from how we handled mealtimes with our first child, Krishnav (age 5) and how we approach it with our younger one, Arjun (age 20 months). I have always been conscious of screen time for my kids and luckily, they have never been that addicted to the TV, iPad, or iPhone. But there is always room to improve, and my husband and I have found approaches that have been effective in our household. 

I'll tell you straight away that this isn't going to be one of those preachy posts telling you that screen time is bad and should be completely eliminated before it turns your child into a zombie! Nope, I don't actually subscribe to that thinking. There are reasons why I titled the blogpost with "cutting back" on screen time rather than "eliminating" and here's why:

1. I don't believe that all screen time is bad - it's about the length of time spent watching and about the type of content shown to the child. 

2. I believe in practicality - we live in a world where it is difficult to completely forgo the presence of technology, and it's important to recognize that technology does have its benefits. So, in moderation, I believe exposure to some screen time is inevitable and also a matter of survival. Have you ever just wanted 15 minutes of downtime to yourself or wanted to have a sane dinner in a restaurant with your spouse, free of meltdowns and fussing from your child? Yeah, I'd say all of you. 

By having this realistic thinking about the situation, I find that I'm much less stressed out or worried about screen time with kids. In my opinion, it's important to be pragmatic about it. At the same time, I think it's important to try to adhere to the following recommendations set by The American Academy of Pediatrics: avoid screen time for children under 18 months of age, show limited amounts of video or high quality apps for ages 18 months to 2 years with adult accompaniment, and no more than one hour for children ages 2-5 under parent supervision.

So what approaches worked for me? Below are some techniques which worked in cutting back on screen time with my kids - some of these were learned from mistakes I made with Krishnav and which I consciously told myself not to repeat with Arjun. 

1. It all begins with strong foundations. 

To begin with, delay the introduction of screen time (during meals and in general) as much as you can. The more you put off introducing videos and TV to kids, the lesser the reliance on it. The focus should always be on real life interactions, engaging activities, play time, and books for kids. If you form this foundation early on, there is less of a likelihood for the child to form unhealthy attachments to TV/screen time. 

1. Focus on eating as an activity in itself. Ingrain this habit early on. 

Food is something to be appreciated and enjoyed, not a chore for a child to complete and get done with. By having that healthy approach to eating, your child will also absorb that attitude from you. In other words, don't rush meal times and show excitement about the food laid out in front of you and your child's plate. For example, with Arjun, I always describe the food that he will be eating with a smile on my face - "Wow, Arjun! Scrambled eggs for breakfast today. Yummy, right?" Or "Ooh, look at this blueberry! It's so sweet and delicious. Want to try?" 

Furthermore, with toddlers, let them explore foods and their tastes, play with their textures, and encourage self-eating with their hands and with utensils. This is an aspect of baby led weaning, which I tried with Arjun but had not done with Krishnav. It's been highly effective with Arjun and I see the difference - he has a more healthy, open-minded approach to eating than Krishnav ever did! I have realized that eating should be viewed as a fun, exploratory activity for kids. Once you do that, there is a lower reliance on videos. 

2. Don't use videos to create unnecessary distractions in order for your child eat the quantity YOU want them to eat. 

By focusing on their plate of food, your child is more aware of how much he/she wants to eat and when they are sated. This is learning self-regulation: learning to stop eating when they feel full (not when YOU feel they are full). When Krishnav was younger, (around age 2-3.5 years), I used to show videos to him during meals and try to sneak in a few extra spoonfuls of food until I was satisfied with the quantity that he had consumed. The poor kid didn't get a chance to tell me he was full or even if he said he was full, I didn't think he meant it. Looking back, it was a terrible thing to do and I believe it played a part in him seeing mealtimes as a cumbersome activity. I corrected this habit with him soon after my own realization on this matter. I decided to stop being "an Indian mom", so to speak - the kind who wants to constantly feed her child and never feels like he has eaten enough! 

With Arjun, my approach is more easy-going. I follow his cues - the moment he turns his face away to food or doesn't want to take more bites, I know he's done. Then I don't push it with video distractions, etc. Furthermore, even if I feel that he could have eaten more, I hold back. Sometimes Arjun eats a lot, sometimes he doesn't. It all balances out. After all, a toddler's appetite is so dependent on appetite-level, mood, teething phases, etc. Have faith that if you give your child a chance to feel hungry, he will eat as much as he wants. Accepting this has transformed the way I approach eating with my kids.

3. When necessary, replace the video with a more wholesome distraction.  

Now you might argue - Richa, points 1 and 2 are great but my kid is too distracted all the time to sit through a whole meal and that's why I have to show him videos. I agree. I'm no pediatrician but it's safe to say that as a child grows from baby to toddler phase, he/she begins to show greater signs of activity and interest in exploring everything around them. When Krishnav and Arjun were around 15-18 months of age, I had noticed how it became more challenging to make them sit still and eat their meals. They were just too wiggly and too distracted and as a result, wouldn't always focus on eating and finishing their food. Given their short attention span, this is normal. But instead of falling into the trap of showing videos right away, I try the following things: 

For the toddler age group: 

• Sing songs while they eat or while you feed them (you can even play the music from your phone but just don't show the video). Sometimes I find myself having to put on a whole performance for the little one but hey, it works! 
• Use the verbal art of storytelling: I used to make up entire stories and tell them to Krishnav when I was going through the phase of reducing screen time with him. He would sit and listen to me while eating, riveted by the inane storyline. But it worked! He didn't need the videos.
• Show a picture book/read a book: Keep them engaged with something interesting and visual. 
• Bring out 2-3 small toys for them to see and play with during the meal. I've found this to be effective with Arjun. Sometimes, he just needs something to fidget around with  and focus his attention on. This seems to do the trick. Why go full throttle with a video then, right? 

For the slightly older age group (such as ages 3 or 4 and above):

• Eat meals together and have a conversation with your child about each other's day, what you learned, what you did, etc. 
• Play a game of story-telling wherein each member of the family adds on a piece of the story. For example, I would start the story with "Once upon a time, there lived a prince...". Then Krishnav adds another piece of the story followed by Papa. We just go around in a circle doing this until we've weaved a story of our own. It's been fun to do in restaurants too without resorting to the video crutch. 
• We like to play word games, which helps to enhance their learning. For example, I'll make up a topic like "Birds". And each of us will take turns naming a type of bird. No need for videos because you're focusing their minds on something else while they eat. 
• Read a book of their choice.

4. Defer screen time to after meals as a reward. 

We started doing this with Krishnav around the time he turned 4 (of course, this system doesn't work with younger toddlers with whom it is hard to communicate the concept of action and reward). My husband and I formed a new rule in the house - that if Krishnav ate his dinner himself, he would get to watch 20-30 minutes of cartoons before bed. It works for us and keeps Krishnav on the ball. Krishnav is a slow eater and sometimes still needs assistance from us to finish his meal. But by and large, he eats himself and tries to do it relatively quickly so that he can get to his reward later. 

5. Make food that your child will want to eat. 

This might sound like a no-brainer but it deserves a mention. I noticed this clearly with my kids. Whenever we cook something that they don't enjoy eating, they are less likely to eat it...and then as parents, we resort to other tricks to make them eat so that the food doesn't go to waste. That's when the video habit slips in!

To avoid this slippery slope, make a list of 5-10 foods that your child really enjoys and cycle through these dishes over the course of the week. Krishnav is not an exploratory, adventurous eater by nature. So what's the point of cooking something that he won't enjoy and will take forever to eat, making me resort to videos to placate him? During dinner time on school nights, we like to play it safe with his repertoire of preferred dishes so that he eats his fill. The weekends are when we encourage him to try different foods when we're less rushed, and this has worked to slowly expand his palate. As for Arjun, well - this little toddler is still discovering new tastes and new foods and it's been a joy to experience this with him!

No one ever said eating and meal times are a breeze with kids. Honestly, we are all doing the best we can to ensure that our children eat well. Undoubtedly, TV, phones, and iPads offer a quick and easy solution and believe me, I still use them with my kids! But if we try to make small changes in our mindset, in the eating habits we instill in our children, and some alternate approaches to videos, these can go a long way to reducing our reliance on these gadgets.

I hope you found these ideas helpful! Readers, do share any tips and tricks that have worked for you!