Raising Children To Know Their Mother Tongue

“You’ve got to know your language to understand your culture.”

—Beatrice Taylor, Ojibwe

I did not realize the challenge I would face in raising my children in a foreign country to know their language. After all, my own parents raised me in Thailand and my first language is Hindi. Yet when it came to my own children, I struggled. Times are different and we live in an increasingly globalized world where English is often the primary mode of communication. I came to see that raising my boys to know Hindi while living outside of India would not be an easy task. I constantly face hurdles but by investing time, effort, and dedication to the cause, I believe it is possible.

Why do I care so much about my children knowing their mother tongue? To me, language is power. And knowing one’s mother tongue is even more powerful. I’ve seen it from my own experience. Knowing Hindi has connected me to my roots and culture, builds bridges with family that still live in India, instantly removes barriers between others who also speak the same language, and helps me understand our cultural contexts.

On the occasion of International Mother Language Day (February 21), I wanted to share how I try to cultivate a love, knowledge, and appreciation of Hindi in my children despite living outside of India.

The lesson I learned that started it all

Up until age 2, both my boys spoke only in Hindi because of me speaking exclusively in Hindi to them. I felt very proud of that! But upon starting preschool, their world expanded beyond me. Within 2 months, I noticed that they had stopped speaking and replying in Hindi and had begun to speak mostly in English. I was taken aback by the swiftness by which my efforts of two years had been displaced.

We live in a place where the primary mode of instruction in school and communication in everyday life is in English. The two people with whom our children are mostly likely to be spending a sizeable chunk of the day (especially if you are a working parent) are the teacher and nanny, both of whom speak in English in Singapore. There is no natural exposure to mother tongue beyond what the parent teaches at home. I realized that I would need to step up my efforts.

Mindset

Having the right mindset helped to set more realistic expectations from my children. Once I let go of the fact that my children should speak in Hindi like a native, this whole process became less burdensome and more fun!

Number 1: It’s okay if they speak with an accent! Get over the fact that they should sound like a person from India speaking in Hindi (or Gujrati, Tamil, Telugu, or whatever). The environment and surroundings are totally different so it’s not a level playing field. What’s important is that they KNOW it and can SPEAK it at all.

Number 2: I don’t expect my children to know formal spoken Hindi or written Hindi. To me, it’s more about fluency in the everyday spoken language which most people would converse in. 

Things that you can do with your children

Speak in your language to your children everyday as much as possible (if not always): This is the most important and vital thing you can do. If it’s not possible for both parents to do so, have one parent be the point person to speak in the mother tongue to the children.

Have them speak back to you: I set aside time every day to speak in Hindi with my children. Every night before bedtime, I sit with Krishnav and ask him about his day, how school went, and other general things. The only thing is, we do it in Hindi. By allocating a specific time where we speak only in Hindi (10 mins to start with and build up over time), we make it more approachable and doable. It also helps to slowly build confidence in Krishnav speaking the language.

Books, books, books: There is a small (but growing) number of bilingual and South Asian cultural storybooks that cater to our generation of moms and kids. In our home library, we have a collection of books from T4Tales, Indigrow, Tulika Books, Toka Box, and Meet Buckley. Also check out Mango and Marigolds Press, an independent publisher for South Asian children's books. One of their most recent releases was Bindiya in India by author Monique Chheda which weaves Hindi and English words together in a sweet story about a girl who visits India for the first time. Hindi by Reena is another source of Hindi language as a first step for young children. 

Sing and play songs in your language: It can be nursery rhymes or songs in general. We play (and dance to) a lot of Bollywood music in our house! Make a playlist of songs which you can play instantly without having to think about it (Hello Jio Saavn app!)

Tell stories in your mother tongue: I often relate silly animal stories in Hindi to Arjun, literally making it up as I go along. If you are a parent who doesn’t speak fluently in Hindi yourself, you can still do this because the kids love these stories delivered in a simple understandable way.

Kid-appropriate cartoons and movies: There are several of them out there, like Chota Bheem, Little Singham, Ramayan, and Mahabharat. Sometimes we even play Peppa Pig in Hindi (yes that does exist, just look it up in YouTube).

Enlist the help of others: Invite grandparents, friends, an aunty, or language tutor to come into your home to speak in Hindi with your child more often. This can be in a formalized setting or less structured - whatever you choose, the intent is to give your children more exposure and opportunity to speak in their language. On a similar note, consider a nanny who speaks in the same home language as you. I know it sounds odd but it greatly increases the chances of your child being able to speak in the language in question. This is because beyond us parents, our children also spend a significant amount of time with their nannies. (We don’t have a Hindi-speaking nanny but I have observed several instances where this has factored into a child being able to speak their mother tongue more fluently).

Language classes: This setup provides language learning in a more formalized setting. Krishnav has been going to Hindi classes for 3 years now. I find that he picks up certain things better in a classroom compared to unstructured learning at home. He's also learning reading and writing which, for me, is an added bonus.

It might feel like a losing battle on some days but there are enough times when my kids pleasantly surprise me. Both boys understand Hindi 100% which I think is a win already. When prompted, both can express themselves in Hindi well enough (though they prefer to speak in English as default mode). Krishnav sometimes writes words and short stories in Hindi!

So my advice is: keep at it! There will be a payoff someday and it will be so worth it.